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Can a Male and Female be JUST Friends?
Have you ever heard or seen, father-son; mother daughter; having a wife; boss-subordinates; Sibling as a friend? Maybe yes, but how often and how real. At the end of the day, the message is, “Mein tumhara baap hoon, jo mein kahta hoon, who karo” (I am your father, do as I say). Recently, I posted one query, “Can a grown male and female just be friends”, and the answers are simply shocking (read below). Therefore, I say, friendship is a relation of choice. But, do you know the meaning of “friendship”, yes, you know, you have read in some newspapers and magazines, but what about applying the same.
Before I begin I know, as you probably know, that friendship can be an antidote to loneliness or depression or even boredom. But it should be more than just an antidote to these problems. What are the qualities that lead to a strong friendship?
First of all, friendship must be real. In friendships we reveal what we are and who we are capable of being. Friendship demands that we reveal ourselves without pretense or masks, without affection or deception. Jack Chesterton, who knew the risks involved in cultivating a strong friendship, summed it up when he said, “Friends are those with whom our mistakes are safe.”
Another necessary ingredient for cultivating friendship is that one must be generous. Friendship is its reward. Messiah summed up the element of generosity when he said: “Greater love has no one than this to lay down his life for his friend.”
Another feature necessary for companies is that it is redundant. It is a donation or free offering from one person to another. Friendship is never marred by jealousy. There must be some freedom between the two members. Otherwise, there could be a problem of possessiveness or even suffocation of friendship.
Other qualities can be mentioned so that solid friendships can be fostered. A sense of humor, charity, understanding, compassion are just some of the ingredients that must be cultivated for a solid friendship with another.
Just one more thought on this topic. For many people in this world, life is cold, lonely and hard. If they had one friend, their lives would not only be different, but happier. Friendship is a touch of heaven on earth. And you can bring a touch of heaven into someone’s life.
Friendship between male and female
Hence, a strong friendship between a man and a woman is sometimes difficult to understand and accept, even though relationships between two women or men are more accepted by our society. When a man and a woman hold hands in public, it is automatically assumed that they are in love. Friends are friends and lovers are lovers. Very few people feel physical affection for their friends. People have a hard time separating love from sex. If two people express love and affection to each other, it is assumed that they love. The truth is quite simple: two people like each other, they are comfortable together and a special bond of friendship develops between them.
Sometimes friendship is taken for granted and people are willing to give it up when they fall in love, want to get married or have a long-term relationship. The assumption is that sexual or romantic love is better and is therefore preferred.
There are factors that decide whether a male and a female can be just friends or not, and we will discuss them one by one here.
1) Your mental and emotional makeup: It requires a high level of maturity, understanding and wavelength for any couple to keep this thought of intimacy out of their hearts throughout the relationship.
2) Type of school and college you attended: If you attended “all-boys or all-girls” schools and colleges, there is a high chance that your relationship with a colleague of the opposite sex will not be clean and transparent compared to those who attended the “joint education” system.
3) Number of friends with opposite sexes: If you have more friends of the opposite sex than there is a chance that your friendship with those people will be clean…with any thought of intimacy compare to those who have one or only limited friend of opposite sex.
4) Family background: if one’s family is more orthodox, traditional, with a very strict set of values… then also sometimes… there is a chance that you will not be able to be only friends with a person of the opposite sex.
5) Phase of life you are going through: If you face a lot of rejections, emotional instability, frustration, a lot of struggle and if your performance is not appreciated by your bosses and colleagues…then you too try to find that comfort, comfort by intimate involvement. .. because with them you find acceptance and emotional comfort.
6) Profession you are engaged in and the type of organization you work in: as we discussed in one of the cases…if it is a company or a department dominated by men or women…there are also people who tend to get involved with people of opposite sexes.
7) Successful, happy married life and unsuccessful and unhappy married life: If you don’t have a successful and happy married life… you don’t get the time, care and affection as you want and if you have a friend of the opposite gender who cares for you, gives you time, affection and emotional support than there are also high chances of developing these intimate relationships…far above your “only” friendships thought.
So it is possible to be “only” friends with people of the opposite sex and it depends on your maturity, mindset and need at the time. We can talk about our thoughts; Our feelings but you can’t say the same about the person of the opposite sex. You never know what your friend is talking about you in his friend group.
Regarding my personal experiences…I have many “female friends” from different cities, different countries, from different age groups, married-single-single and now the gender hardly matters to me. We discuss our experiences, go out for dinner, a movie and a picnic and also give consolation…if there are problems on the professional and personal front. But, as I said before…I can say what I feel, what I think…I cannot safely say what they feel and think.
If the sexual element in a relationship is lost, there is no friendship left and the couple distance themselves from each other in all respects. Instead of seeing sexual relationships as friendships, which include sex, couples often see them as separate from any kind of friendship. If people could break away from this tradition, they could be friends with lovers and ex-lovers and enjoy close, happy and meaningful relationships. It will also reflect a certain degree of growth and maturity of the personality.
My gift to all my friends for their friendship
I love you not only for what you are,
But for what I am when I’m with you.
I love you not only for what you have made of yourself,
But because of what you make of me.
I love you for the part of me you bring out.
I love you for putting your hand into my overflowing heart,
And pass on all the stupid and secretive and weak things
that you can’t help but see there dimly,
and attraction to the light
All the beautiful and radiant objects,
that no one else has looked far enough to find.
I love you for ignoring the fool’s possibilities
and weak in me,
and placing a firm grip
About the possibilities of the best in me.
I love you for closing your eyes to the differences in me,
and on adding to the music in me by adoring listening.
I love you because you help me
make of my tree not an inn but a temple,
And what I say every day is not a reproach but a song.
I love you because you did more
than any faith could do to do me good,
And more than fate could do to make me happy.
You did it just by being yourself.
Maybe that’s what being a friend means after all
If I say this, I never mean to say this, I will give you solutions to all your problems
As a friend, I may not be able to provide solutions to all of life’s problems, doubts or fears; But I can listen to you, and together we can search for answers. I cannot change your past with all its heartache and pain, nor the future with its untold stories; But I can be there now when you need me to care.
I can’t stop your feet from tripping. I can only hold out my hand for you to catch her and not fall. Your joys, victories, successes and happiness are not mine; And yet I can share in your laughter and joy.
Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge; I can support you, encourage you and help you only when you ask. I can’t give you limits, that I set for you, but I can give you the space to change, space to grow, space to be yourself.
I can’t stop your heart from breaking and hurting, but I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces and put them back together. I can’t tell you who you are. I can only love you and be your friend.
And every morning when you open your eyes, tell yourself it’s special. Every day, every minute, every second is a gift from God, you should dance like nobody’s watching, and love like it’ll never hurt.
People say true friends must always hold hands, but true friends don’t need to hold hands because they know the other hand will always be there.
“Friendship is the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with one who need not weigh thoughts or measure words, but pour out all as they are, chaff and grain together, sure that a faithful friendly hand will take and wave them away. , Keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of comfort fly the rest”.
Not only in friendships but also in all relationships, love is the driving force that creates and sustains it. The kind of love friends have for each other is the desire to know, serve and share. This is the antithesis of lust – the desire to acquire, possess and control. This is what makes a person want to connect with another human consciousness – intellectually, emotionally and physically.
Unspoken doubts and suspicions are barriers that limit the possible depth to which a friendship can progress. Love empowers friends to say what they feel to each other without inhibition or fear of hurting each other’s feelings. In doing so, it allows them to resolve their doubts and suspicions about each other, thereby removing the barriers and opening the way to a deeper and deeper friendship.
Because friends love each other, they never try to force, coerce or control the other to change for the better. One friend is just letting the other know how he or she feels. Love will motivate the wise friend to change himself for the better. Because friends love each other, they will never use each other as a means to an end—as a human resource to be used and abused for self-gain. A friend – as a dear living consciousness – is an end in itself. This end is the joy of sharing experiences and mutual love.
Let me know what you have to say about it.
With lots of love and care,
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