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Empathy – The Key to Positive Human Interaction
Yesterday I had a discussion about empathy with someone close to me who said, “Empathy is most needed in human communication, but empathy without sympathy has no humanistic value. A cheater may feel empathy for you, but if he has no morals or morals. Sympathetic feelings, he can use that empathy against you.” .
It got me thinking about empathy. For me, empathy is a process of understanding and feeling into another person, as well as being an internal response triggered by a cue from the other person.
About empathy, Encyclopedia Britannica says:
“”The ability to imagine yourself in another place and to understand the other’s feelings, desires, ideas and actions. It is a term coined at the beginning of the 20th century, equivalent to the German Einfühlung and based on “sympathy”.
The term empathy is used with special, though not exclusive, reference to aesthetic experience. The most obvious example, perhaps, is that of the actor or singer who really feels the role he is performing. With other works of art, a viewer may, by some kind of foreshadowing, feel that he is involved in what he is observing or contemplating. The use of empathy is an important part of the counseling technique developed by the American psychologist Carl Rogers.
The practice of empathy, as an analytical method based on analogical thinking, may appear already in the first days of each human being’s existence, since babies learn empathy by imitating those who care for them. There is no way to compare, measure, observe, prove or disprove that the exact emotion is experienced in the same way by different people, but people may identify deeply with each other and this identification can lead to improved understanding and emotional intimacy between people.
Empathy is more important in social settings than psychologically. The existence of empathy is a sign of healthy personal identity, self-awareness, self-worth, and in a positive sense, self-love. When empathy is absent, an antisocial or psychopathic person can more easily exploit and abuse others.
In our time, since most of the social institutions that help develop empathy, such as the nuclear and extended family, clan, neighborhood, village, church, temple or belief system, have been damaged, narcissistic behavior has begun to take the place of empathy. This is widely reflected in the litigation, intolerance, and violence that is reproduced in our popular culture, media, movies, video games, international transactions, and so on.
The presence of empathy is the path leading to sympathy, mercy, compassion, charity and joy in giving; Therefore, creates a better and more civilized society.
Let’s take a closer look at empathy.
What is the purpose of empathy?
The goals of empathy are:
Show that you care about the other person.
Cultivate meaningful, helpful, close relationships.
To learn more about other people.
Direct the media to important emotional issues.
Let the other person know that he is accepted as he is, and therefore encourage him to open up.
To reduce your irritability with others because you understand them better. If you understand them, you forgive them.
To reduce prejudices and eradicate negative assumptions, with an emphasis on the word “assumptions”.
To discover, in the end, that everyone is understood and that everyone’s soul can be penetrated.
Practicing empathy is hard. Everyone learns empathy to some degree as a matter of growing up and living in the world, but how do we really practice empathy?
How to practice empathy:
A. Listen, listen, listen. The idea is that first you really listen; Then, you respond. Listening is hard work and everyone can get distracted. Even when we are distracted, we need to focus and get back on track as best we can.
During listening, listen effectively, especially in handling…
1. One should stop comparing himself to others. For example thinking, “I had a harder time than him”. “He’s smarter than me.” “His partner is much better than mine.”
2. The person should stop remembering their own experiences on the same topic while the other person is talking.
3. Verbal “give and take” must not be treated as an intellectual debate with the aim of bringing the other down.
4. One should not think that he knows everything, so he should not listen to the other person.
5. Do not laugh at what the other person says or try to change the subject before it gets too serious.
6. Stop reassuring the other person by saying “you’re right”. “I agree.” “He did that to you! Really! What a jerk!” and so ‘
7. You should stop trying to read the other person’s mind. For example, “He insists he loves his wife. It could be subconsciously saying he doesn’t.” “He’s looking out the window when he says he didn’t do it.” “He might think I’m stupid if I tell him that…”
8. Stop thinking about his next step or answer before the other person finishes speaking. For example, “How will I respond to this when I have to answer him? If I smile or nod, he may take it that I approve of his crime.”
9. Stop filtering what the other person is saying by concentrating on hearing only specific matters or significant comments.
10. It is forbidden to judge that the other person’s statement is crazy, extreme, young, boring or aggressive.
II. Let the other person feel heard. No one is perfect at this, but we can get better over time if we work at it.
1. One way to do this is to reflect the other person’s feeling. “It really hurts you.” “You feel left out.” “You feel insignificant.” Focusing on the other person’s feelings encourages them to talk about those feelings and explore those feelings in a practical way themselves.
2. Asking too many questions, giving judgmental responses or advice or preemptive reassurance before the other person finishes speaking is ineffective. It takes away from the other person’s ability to solve their own problem by talking. Telling him your story or experience is not so bad if you don’t forget the concern, pain or problem of the others.
3. One of the most common reasons for misunderstandings is our emotional response to what the other person is saying. If the person says something that evokes an emotion (such as anger, insecurity, injury, insult to our beliefs, etc.) that is not related to the person speaking but related to the listener, the listener’s mind may be distracted and therefore may miscalculate the other person’s problem.
4. A correct response embraces the essence of the other’s feelings. It may sound like the listener is parroting the desert, but it is an effective way to let the person know that you are interested and listen, for example, “You feel hurt”, “You are shocked”. If we don’t show a reaction or give comments while the other person is talking, he may take it as a lack of interest or disapproval or he may think we don’t understand him.
5. While the other person is talking, it is possible for an empath to guess in advance what the other person is feeling and provide additional insight. At this point, at an appropriate moment in the conversation, an interpretation more or less in the form of a question may add to the speaker’s understanding of himself. For example, “Could it be that your mother acts like this because she can’t bear to lose you?” or “I wonder if your wife meant to help you when she told your boss that.”
Empathy, in general, is an important asset; However, introspection and empathy alone cannot create a perfect society. Better friendships are created by the feelings and actions that result from empathy. Because of this goal, empathy becomes the key that unlocks positive human interaction.
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